Комментарии Херба "Потерянные миры - книга 2"

[DeJaVu]

And, Book II of the Forgotten Worlds serial has come to a close. Hope you guys are enjoying it!

I see that last time, I did this commentary as the chapters went up, but for various and sundry reasons this didn't work out so well for me this time around. My apologies for that.

So, I'll try to make up the oversight by waxing eloquent about the entire book...

Book II, Chapter 1 (AKA Forgotten Worlds, Chapter 7) was the first of a series of chapters I found most challenging to write. Folks who know me know I'm no fan of space combat in BattleTech. Part of that is due to what I feel is a focus issue on large spacecraft over BattleMechs; the BattleTech universe isn't made unique through epic naval battles--that's Star Wars/Star Trek/Babylon 5 territory--but by the big stompy robots that level cities like Gozilla after one too many radioative mochaccinos! Another part, though, is the fact that any good coverage of space combat pushes CBT writing from its pulp-driven comfort zone to an area where you really have to think through the science.
This chapter was, of course, no exception. It also had a lot of exposition in the first couple revisions I did for it, which I eventually slimmed down to a dialogue-only intro that recaps the basic premise: Brooke Stevens and crew, under attack by Manei Domini fighter pilots, made a hyperspace jump to what they believed to be the Herakleione system, incidentally leaving their IE "tail" behind.
Once there, of course, they have to contend with another problem: They were boarded in the middle of that fight. There's no real CBT rule for this, of course, but the principle is clear: clad in battle suits, the Manei Domini boarders were hurled like bombs at their target ship, but only one survived the firefight and the jump to get inside the ship alive. What followed was, naturally, a desperate fight and Brooke's first encounter with the Word's cybernetic shock troops. As you can see in the outcome, it took a lot of micro-rockets and luck to bring it down.
Could probably have gone better...
But making it harder was, of course, working out the various features of fighting on a JumpShip, and taking into account features like "where the drive core is" and how fighting in microgravity should work, this was one of the most deeply planned chapters written to date (the effort even included creating a map of the Sacajawea's interior).

Book II, Chapter 2 (AKA, Forgotten Worlds, Chapter 8 ) addressed the next part about CBT space travel: the simple fact that it's nigh impossible to sneak up on a planet. Moreover, I felt the added pressure of the "what ae they THINKING?" question as I stepped back and realized that our intrepid adventurers opted to take a small shuttle to a hostile world that has spent so long hidden that its sensors and gaurds have nothing better to do than watch the skies just for them.
The solution, in part, is another dose of Brooke's luck, meshed with a strange internal logic behind the hiding of the Five: In order to remain hidden, Jardine has to LOOK as dead as it claims to be under Herakleione's name. An active sensor net filled with flying DropShip patrols might stop would be invaders, but they just wouldn't convince even the most casual observer that the planet below truly is dead. Thus, by necesity, Brooke's shuttle went undetected for quite some time because Jardine's masters simply had no sensor grid they could draw on without giving away their presence.
Even so, Brooke and her trusty sidekick, Tibor Mitternacht, still had to contend with the "close airspace" defenses of the robotic BlackWasp drones (featured in Interstellar Players 2).
And as we learn, here, Tibor is something of a reckless driver when the chips are down...

Book II, Chapter 3 (AKA, Forgotten Worlds, Chapter 9) I couldn't resist starting this chapter with an image that basically steals the cover of Interstellar Players II: Jihad Conspiracies, and brings it to life.
That said, of course, we come to the meat of Brooke's next problem: She and Tibor are now marooned on a hostile world, something I have to basically admit they were pretty much expecting to happen. This chapter gives us a look at what they were thinking in greater depth ("if they have air power, they probably have DropShips; if they have DropShips, they must have communications, which means we have a chance of finding a way offworld as long as we can tell the Sac not to leave without us"), and also shows us that Brooklyn Stevens is actually a competent Mech pilot (why else would she and Tibor have thought to bring a WorkMech to the planet below?)
Incidentally, consider yourselves lucky once more here; originally, there was an expository scene planned showing Brooke and Tibor running this WorkMech through its paces back in Book 1, my way of showing that the Sacajawea crew had these things in storage even then. A few remarks in Brooke's pre-chapter blurbs, however, should have been more than enough foreshadowing of the Rock Hound's first appearance in this saga...

More to come...

- Herb

[DeJaVu]

Wow. No responses after a day?

Okay, then I'll continue.

(....where was I?)

As yes, Chapter 4, Book II (AKA, Forgotten Worlds, Chapter 10): Astute readers may have picked up the pop culture reference in passing in the chapter's opening blurb. Now, I know it's been said that I am rather aggressive at killing pop culture refs and overdone canonizations in CBT, but truth is, I don't mind some lighthearted in-jokes if I feel they can be meshed well into the story, and let's face it, if anyone was going to borrow from Douglas Adams' work, it would be the blokes at Interstellar Expeditions, right?

That said, this chapter heavily featured one of the coolest bits of hardware Brooke and company had in their arsenal (aside from the modified Sacajawea, of course!): the Alliance Motors AM-PRM-RH7C "Rock Possum" ProspectorMech. This is actually one of three main variants of the "Rock Hound" WorkMech built by Alliance Motors, and represents a machine built with the lostech prospector and explorer in mind. Yes, the full stats and image of this baby are slated to appear in an upcoming sourcebook, but for now, know that the design philosophy hinges on a medium-weight, fuel cell-powered 'Mech that gets avergae mobility and is at least lightly armed against possible encounters. The Possum configuration is the "packrat" variant, built for cargo hauling, so that its operator can carry off any uncovered loot, even under hostile fire (if she's not too greedy, that is).

This chapter also gave us a good first-hand look at how a squad of *unarmored* Manei Domini handles anti-'Mech actions, and while the Possum really offered little challenge, Brooke used a few reckless maneuvers of her own to try and keep her and Tibor alive.

Finally, we also got to meet some of Jardine's "rebels", though as we will see, they are not so much as that in the true sense of the word. Still, forming tribes that have to survive being stalked by cybernetic horrors should tell us that these guys have to be pretty tough. But let's not kid ourselves here: these guys likely survive as much because the MDs haven't focused on them as they have from seeding the forests with inconvenient EMP mines.

Chapter 5, Book II (AKA Forgotten Worlds, Chpater 11) Yes, this was the big expositional chapter, though the next one was likely even worse. Still, I needed these scenes even though I tried real hard to be concise with them. (In an original draft, in fact, this chapter was to pick up as Brooke and a now-virtually disabled Tibor limped out of their crippled Rock Possum to find themselves surrounded by well armed tabi-riding tribals; among other reasons for killing that opening--not the least of which was effectively realizing that it did nothing for the story beyond producing visuals--was the fact that such a scene was hard to write without making it look too much like a cliche of the heroes being surrounded by spear-wielding primitives).

So, in this chapter, we get a big explanation of who the Wanderers are, and we learn from them who the Manei Domini are. We also get the final confirmation that this is, indeed, the lost world of Jardine when one of the Wanderers flatly demands what Brooke and Tibor are doing here. We also get to learn that, while out tribals might look somewhat primitive, that's only a side effect of their present lifestyle; in fact, these guys aren't some stock backwards civilization, but an educated group of locals who simply didn't want to live in the sequestered cities now ruled by Manei Domini. I personally enjoyed giving Brooke lines where she tries to explain what's happened to the Inner Sphere, only to be told "we KNOW that already!". (Understand, Brooke has likely had to tell that tale on more than a few other worlds in her career, so this is a surprise to her.)

This is also the scene where an outsider first hears of "the Five". At the time, though, Brooke and company are a little more interested in dealing with the one world they're on to really get that they have landed in something bigger than finding BattleTech's Atlantis...

And here also is our first scene featuring Apollyon, leader of the Manei Domini, in his native setting. I tried hard to keep him from sounding too much like a moustache-twirling villain, and instead as an intelligent man who is maybe even a bit symapthetic here. We're looking at a man whose homeworld--and one of ComStar's best-kept secrets for centuries--is threatened, and he's calculating his options rather than flying into a rage, looking for a way to minimize damages even though--for all he knows--Brooke and company may have already leaked proof of Jardine to the Inner Sphere.

Which brings us too...

Chapter 6, Book II (Forgotten Worlds, Chapter 12) Here I again did my best to try and avoid boring the reader with the full story of Jardine's disappearance from the star maps, while also making the revelations dramatic enough for Brooke to be surprised by them. There's also a budding friendship forming here between Brooke and Alahni--which is another difficult trick, considering how very little time they spent together, but largely unstated is the fact that Alahni finds "Lost Ones" fascinating, since they don't exactly show up every day on Jardine...

We learn, among other things, that though the Wanderers fight against the Domini, they still see them as "Guardians", and the Domini in turn seem very reluctant to exterminate the Wanderers as well. This reflects the fact that, though they have their differences, the people of Jardine still see themsleves as brothers and sisters, united against the "Lost Ones" beyond.

We even learn a little bit about the Word of Blake's Master and his rise to power, as well as the ingrained belief in the Word of Blake held even by the Wanderer tribes, and their hatred of the Clans. We see that the Jardinians know the Master as a prophet and a genius, one who can study history, extrapolate from it, and build grandiose plans to face it in a was that few others can.

And then we get the ominous line: "The Word and ComStar are inseparable, Brooklyn Stevens."

Alahni means this on a great many levels, implying that the Schism was merely a way to weed out the casual followers from the true devotees of the Word, who would be needed to end the Clan threat once and for all. We learn the Five--long left to their own devices, quietly accumulating stockpiles--were opened up to produce a massive army for a coming genocide.

And, of course, we learn that the Five are worlds, not cities as Brooke was inclined to believe.

We again see Apollyon anguishing over having to harm other Jardinians in the effort to secure his world's secret, even refusing to allow his apparent second to call a dead interrogation victim "frail" out of some strange form of respect.

And we again see that Captain Hara and his IE liaison, Bellamy, have not only survived and made it to Jardine as well, but that they may have an agenda all their own.

Towards the end, as our heroes prepare to leave the tribe encampment, is of course another in-joke, one that sprang up in a conversation I had with our map-maker extraordinairre, Oystein Tvedten. In it, we joked that an older map for the Kurita Handbook will HAVE to have a planet in there with a silly name, but of course, in-universe, we wanted a fun explantaion for that. This little side-story fit perfectly with what Brooke does for a living, so I worked it into the dialogue in this chapter.

And, once more, we close on a cliffhanger, with Apollyon's protege preparing for a fateful mision against Alahni's tribe, aiming to capture or eliminate the threat Brooke and her mission represents to Jardinian security... Did you really expect me to reveal that outcome?

And that's the summation of Forgotten Worlds, Book II.

Feel free to discuss!

- Herb

[Andos]

HABeas2

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Re: Hidden Worlds
« Reply #27 on: 29 November 2013, 17:54:29 »
Hi,

Real Name vs. Shown Name
Ruins of Gabriel is Odessa (LC)
Jardine is Heraklion (FWL)
Obeedah is Sharpe (CC)
Taussen is Versailles (FS)
Mayadi is Tangerz (DC)

By 3100, Jardine, Gabriel, and Mayadi were found (and all destroyed: Jardine by traps volcano, Gabriel was shattered completely, and Mayadai had poisoned itself at least a century prior). The others were never found.

Thanks,

- Herb

[Маленький Скорпион]

Надо запомнить. Если про РГ и Ярдин известно давно, про Маяди/Тангерц было в Interstellar Expeditions, то Обиду и Тауссен пока не раскрывали.

[KolbunD]

Таусен/Версаль исчез первым, еще во время 1 НВ, остальные были спрятаны, под шумок, уже позже. Интересно - чем руководствовались прятальщики при выборе планет?

[Leonid]

Что-то про Одессу я в замешательстве... Фиски ж оттуда? И планетка развитая. Как можно было ухитриться там спрятать что-то ещё? А раксов поминают часто.

[acefalcon]

Кхм. Тема, изъеденная до предела. Руины Габриэля - астероид в системе Одессы. Там была флотская база под прикрытием еле-еле сводящей концы с концами добычи полезных ископаемых. Вот базу и разнесли вдребезги.

[KolbunD]

Что-то про Одессу я в замешательстве... Фиски ж оттуда? И планетка развитая. Как можно было ухитриться там спрятать что-то ещё? А раксов поминают часто.

Кхм. Тема, изъеденная до предела. Руины Габриэля - астероид в системе Одессы. Там была флотская база под прикрытием еле-еле сводящей концы с концами добычи полезных ископаемых. Вот базу и разнесли вдребезги.

Плюс отсыпаемые напрямую в карман Фискам на протяжении лет так 150 кмешки/брильянты/С-биллы.
Кто из хорошо понимающих английский, подскажите - Одессу атаковали одновременно с Руинами или сначала планету, а потом Руины?

[Andos]

Hi,

A caveat: I'm not in charge any more. I just write what I'm told to now. So, everything I said before can now be totally wrong. Even then, the in-universe perspective is that they'll likely never be solved. I only discussed the elements that (as far as I know) really have no forthcoming in-universe solutions in the works. Heck, the last plans I had for Word of Blake had those two Hidden NEVER to be found, even centuries after the Jihad. And IMO, Stone's identity mystery has dragged on so long now that any revelation of "the truth" would be a "so what?" moment, because everyone else of remote importance to the plot has already been accounted for and/or has passed.

On the other hand, the Wolverweenies and their connection may yet be a relevant plot point to someone, at some time. Ergo, I won't reveal that answer, even if it does change.

So, really, all I did was put down the lame horses, and sent them to the glue factory. Because beating them is dullsville.

Thanks,

- Herb

Из серии "Я теперь больше не разраб, могу рассказывать всё о чём думал, когда писал, всё равно сегодня это неправда."

[Пауль]

Народ, тут новость на мыло упала.
http://www.drivethrufiction.com/product ... ormedCmail
Это Новая книга про Иррегуляров?

[KolbunD]

Из серии "Я теперь больше не разраб, могу рассказывать всё о чём думал, когда писал, всё равно сегодня это неправда."

ну, так Херб жжОт, просто введите его фамилию в переводчик и посмотрите результат

Добавлено спустя 1 минуту 10 секунд:

Народ, тут новость на мыло упала.
http://www.drivethrufiction.com/product ... ormedCmail
Это Новая книга про Иррегуляров?

нет, Троль сказал, что редактура и пара измененных вступлений. Это перепост старых книг

[Typhoon]

Да нормальная фамилия....
То, что вы, скорее всего, имели в виду , американцы называют преимущественно "weed".

Если по сути, ничего такого страшного Херб и не сказал. Обычная для него телега в стиле "могли бы сделать так, могли бы по-другому. Пока не сделали, но в будущем может и сделаем".

[Siberian-troll]

Херб намекнул на другое. Что никакого 3250, похоже, не будет. А будет, похоже, 2780+

Хотя, пожуем, увидим.

[Rabid Coyote]

Херб намекнул на другое. Что никакого 3250, похоже, не будет. А будет, похоже, 2780+.

я бы нисколько не разочаровался в этом случае. Главное - никаких пятиногих мехов, никаких импульсных водометов - все это от лукавого!

[Andos]

Я кстати довольно долго грешил на Gei-Fu и на ближайший сектор. А тут почти угадал, вообще в одном прыжке.

[Leonid]

я бы нисколько не разочаровался в этом случае. Главное - никаких пятиногих мехов, никаких импульсных водометов - все это от лукавого!

В конце концов, просирать полимеры - тоже увлекательное занятие. А 3145 год уже не чувствуется бтшного духа. Слишком крутые игрушки и слишком изменилось политическое устройство Сферы. Да и 3250 год изначально выглядел скорее как результат непонимания авторов, что делать со всем этим дальше.

[acefalcon]

ТОЛЬКО 3025! ТОЛЬКО РЕЙДЫ ЗА ЛЕВОЙ НОГОЙ ЛОКУСТА! МАРОДЕР - САМЫЙ КРУТОЙ МЕХ!!!111

[Пауль]

+1 acerfalcon
Больше трофеев для бога трофеев, даешь рейды за ЗИПом

[Leonid]

Да ладно.
Полный звездец начался в 2900-ые. А в 28хх еще вполне можно было порезвиться на технике времен ЗЛ. И время описано парой строчек.

[Маленький Скорпион]

А 3145 год уже не чувствуется бтшного духа. Слишком крутые игрушки и слишком изменилось политическое устройство Сферы

Не так уж сильно, на самом деле. Скорее, выстрелила пара-тройка ружей, которым следовало выстрелить ещё в эпоху вторжения кланов.

Да и 3250 год изначально выглядел скорее как результат непонимания авторов, что делать со всем этим дальше

Если он вообще был заявлен всерьёз, а не чтобы подразнить ждущий спойлеров фэндом.